I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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