drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
