I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
