All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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