Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
