i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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