um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
