you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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