I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
