Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
