my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
