I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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