I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
