he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
