that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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