I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
