I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
