so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
