Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
