Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
