I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
