I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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