i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
