she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
