Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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