id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
