last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
