I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
