Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
