you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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