i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
