I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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