Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
