I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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