you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
