Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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