Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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