Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The Olympian is in my bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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