I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
