So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
