She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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