just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
not ubering you a puppy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
