i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
