I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
