I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
