Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
