Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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