i would punch a child for taco bell
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Panties = found
Randomize
