I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
