I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
