Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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