You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
