Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
