Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
